According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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