guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
