i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
