Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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