Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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