The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize