She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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