I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i love accidental penises.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
