I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
