i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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