he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
