Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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