She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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