Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
