So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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