He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
