I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
