Sober January is a disaster.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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