I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
