cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
