Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
