The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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