Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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