The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
not ubering you a puppy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
