By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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