she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
