I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
