I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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