im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
