so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
