I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
