unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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