So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize