Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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