wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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