Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Duck Duck Cougar?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
