I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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