There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
