Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
