my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I could fuck to npr.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
