Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Text me some of your sweat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
