I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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