just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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