When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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