your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
