i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
