do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
