first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i've created a new STD.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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