I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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