I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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