he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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