she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
