If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
