My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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