I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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