Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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