You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
