i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize