We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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