Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize