8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
