I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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