I can text with my tongue
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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