just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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